async src="//"> The Wrestling Chronicle: Ladies and Gentleman, Hork Hargen!: In Defense of Eva Marie for Hall of Fame Host

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Ladies and Gentleman, Hork Hargen!: In Defense of Eva Marie for Hall of Fame Host

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hork Hargen!
In Defense of Eva Marie for Hall of Fame Host
Written by: The Masked Mark

People really love any opportunity to hate Eva Marie don’t they?  If my Twitter timeline is to be believed, the recent decision to have her host the Hall of Fame ceremony is the biggest middle finger to the rich history of professional wrestling the WWE has ever given.

I say y’all need to calm the fuck down.
Imagine for a moment you are in a high position for a billion dollar company.  Your company used to produce professional wrestling exclusively, but it has grown. In addition to running professional wrestling events both on and off television, the company has their own streaming video service, and produces films as well as a reality television series.

This television series features a cast of contracted performers and presents a peek into their lives behind the scenes working for this company. Two of the performers on the first season were brand new.  Both were clearly not ready to be wrestling or cutting promos in front of a television audience.  Nobody seemed interested in JoJo at all, and she was not asked to return for the next season. 
The other new performer was Eva Marie. She tried to talk, and it was awful. She slapped Jerry Lawler and it was pathetic as shit. They put her in a wrestling match and everybody who saw it was worse for it. They even tried to have her referee and ring announce and neither one went well.  
The fans just would not stop talking about how awful she was at everything, and the company noticed.

They noticed that fans could not stop talking about her. She wasn’t really good at anything in particular yet, but she was clearly connecting with the crowd on an emotional level.  That meant there was some reason to keep her around, if only for the reality show. But here’s the problem. If people wanted to watch a show about someone who hangs out in catering not being on the show, they would watch Zack Ryder’s show and that ran its course years ago. So what do you have her do so you can film her being nervous about doing it, then doing it?

Enter the Hall of Fame. For one night a year, WWE puts on a big spectacle that makes us all care about an institution that nobody seems to take seriously 364 days out of the year.  So why not put her in a dress, stand her behind a podium and have her read a teleprompter? 

Name the last five Hall of Fame ceremony hosts without using Google. Go ahead, I’ll wait. That’s what I thought. WHO CARES? Let’s assume for the sake of argument that she fails at this in every conceivable fashion.  First off, this will make for something to build an episode of Total Divas around and generate fan discussion online to raise their brand awareness.  Secondly, will it really hurt the ceremony? Will Madusa accepting well earned recognition for her career from a company she once had so many burned bridges with be less powerful because Eva introduces her as Alexa Blazze? Will Hulk Hogan accepting the award for Randy Savage be less awkward because she calls him Hork Hargen? Does anybody still get really excited about Larry Zbyszko? I want to meet this person and shake their hand because everybody deserves at least one fan. And won’t all the haters get their reward for putting up with her when Nash spends like six minutes just shitting on her in his speech?
I say, if you absolutely must have her do something, as this company has clearly decided they must, why not this?

Do you have a better idea? I would love to hear it.

Besides firing her, which they will never do as long as we all keep talking about her.

Editor's Note: Apparently Eva Marie hosting the Hall of Fame was just a rumor. I'm sure the Internet breathed a long sigh of relief.
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